OFF THE RECORD

"Well, first of all, it is a mess."

-Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney (R), on Iraq

"We're kicking ass."

-President Bush, on Iraq

"Sir, I don't know, actually."

-Gen. David Petraeus on whether the Iraq war is making America safer

"One more pantsuit joke and Letterman disappears."

-Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., presenting her top 10 list on "The Late Show."

"It's funny hearing these people talk about being 50 years old. I've had hangovers longer than that. So has Ted."

-Quincy Jones on Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass.

"People are expecting him to basically come in and be the fifth head on Mount Rushmore."

-Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (R) on former Sen. Fred Thompson, R-Tenn.

"I'll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol' coffers."

-President Bush, on his post-presidency plans

"Well, I'd have to say it's the privilege of serving with David Souter."

-Supreme Court Justice David Souter, after a stranger mistook him for Justice Stephen Breyer and asked what he liked best about the court

"He's too snore-y and stinky, they don't want to ever get into bed with him."

-Michelle Obama, on her husband and her daughters

"Okay, Ags. I really don't need that kind of stress right now. But a W is a W. All the best to everyone."

-Defense Secretary Robert Gates posting anonymously on a Texas A&M fan site after a triple-overtime win

"As a rule, we don't trust government, we don't trust politicians, and we've always had our doubts about public restrooms."

-Democratic Leadership Council president Bruce Reed, on his home state of Idaho

"What's the big deal?"

-Former Sen. Mike Gravel, D-Alaska, on improving U.S. relations with Cuba

"Um, no."

-Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, when asked if he misses President Bush

"I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT!"

Read about a politician's gaffe recently? Heard a funny political quote - or written one for a candidate? Send these and other funny items to letters@campaignsandelections.com. The winner of the best joke each month, selected by C&E editors, will receive a year's magazine subscription free. Confidential entries welcomed.